Kathy’s Story

I’m Kathy Saile. I have four beautiful daughters and I’m the wife of Joe Saile. And I’m from Batavia, New York.

I met Joe when I was 12 and we were best friends. We started dating at 16, and we got married in 1988. We had a beautiful daughter, Carissa.

During that time, Joe battled his addiction and went into recovery. After he was sober, we had three other daughters. Life was crazy and busy, but God got us through everything, the highs and the lows of being a young family.

Then in 2003, Joe had gotten his dream job. He was a truck driver, driving tandems on the thruway in New York. And he was jumped by a couple guys at work. It seemed to send him into a downward spiral of panic attacks and depression that we just never saw coming.

We kept trying every treatment available, every doctor appointment that we could think of. He really started to become a recluse in our home. He didn’t want to go out anywhere. He lost all joy. The anxiety got worse.

I truly believed and prayed for a miracle. I sometimes sat there and wondered how everybody else could get their miracle, honestly, and how would we not get a miracle?

By February 19th, 2019, he had not eaten for almost a week, any solid foods. So, I convinced him to go to our local hospital just to get what we thought was rehydrated, because I figured for sure he at least had to be dehydrated at this point. We went to the E.R. that night, and we never left.

March 14th, 2019, at 12:46, they turned off Joe’s breathing machine and he never even took a breath. Two minutes later, they declared him dead.

It just left me empty for a while. It took some time for me to be able to sit in church and let God talk to me. 

I went to Pastor Andy one day, and I asked him, ‘Why don’t we have a ministry for widows?’ And he said, ‘Nobody’s ever asked for one.‘ I said, ‘Well, we need one.’ And he said, ‘Kath, you go find one, and you come back to me, and we’ll talk about it.’

The challenge was accepted. I went on Google and the first thing that popped up was Stand in the Gap. And I had no idea what Stand in the Gap was. So I started looking it up and I’m like, ‘Oh my gosh, they’re way out in Oklahoma.’

But I sent an email just asking for some information and ‘Hey, what do you guys do?’ That was just the beginning of my next chapter and I just didn’t know it yet. God just really laid on me that, this program, Kath, is what you’re going to need and you need to connect to these women. As you will heal, I will heal them.

I just started with ladies in our church, and we did a small group. And, before I knew it, you know, we had a dozen, 15 women. We talked together, and before we knew it, we were laughing together.

This group has evolved and we’ve welcomed widows from all different churches. In fact, right now our group is women from many different churches. And, we’re there to support each other in every way. We do not just get together, as some people think, to be sad. As a group of women, we are there and growing as Christians. Together, we’re letting God lead us and show us what he wants us to do next.

We like to spend time with each other. We enjoy each other’s company. So we always try to go out to eat or we have picnics. Being in a group, to be able to find that joy again, and to be able to share in laughter, is one of the greatest gifts I think we’ve been given.

And all these women I’ve gotten to meet take this out with them and they’re sharing it with other people. They have people calling them, saying, ‘Hey, I know you’re a widow. Will you talk to my friend?’

And that is how God is working. He’s working through these women while he’s healing our brokenness and our loneliness. He’s also equipping us to take it out and share with others.

And Stand in the Gap is what’s bringing us all together.