Death. That is a scary word. Whether you hear that someone has experienced the death or loss of a loved one or that they have passed away. You know what death means. If you are like me, this news brings a pit to your stomach and you do not know whether to keep a blank face or give a face that resembles pity. Then you attempt to say something to cheer them up, to encourage them to feel better about their pain, or to change the subject as quickly as possible.
Do you like when something you loved is breezed by? Do you like to feel pitied? Or to be told about all of the good things that will come out of your pain when it doesn’t change that it hurts? I think it is nice when people take the time to ask questions and have conversations about what I love.
Think about how you would feel. Think about how God calls us to act. To love others as we love ourselves and this comes from how He loves us. How does God love? Jesus showed us how to love someone in the mess and the hurt. To get in there with them. To cry with the hurting and rejoice with those who mourn.
Grief often is a jumbled up reflection of both mourning and rejoicing. Crying one minute and laughing at a memory or ridiculous personality trait the next. Then crying again because you miss them. There can be long stretches of depression and sadness. There can be moments where the person grieving feels nothing and then feels guilty for feeling nothing.
I started this job here at Stand In The Gap for Widows about 5 months ago, as a non widow. I was confident that God called me here, but not confident in my abilities in navigating grief. Luckily God equips us. I have learned that:
- Saying something is better than saying nothing.
- Talk about their husband who has passed. They love the person they lost. They miss their loved one and miss talking about them.
- We don’t just need to ask if/what they need. People often don’t know what they need or don’t want to be a burden. See a need and meet it or think about what would make you feel loved if you were in their shoes.
I have learned that I will never know how mourning people are feeling and I will never know the right thing to do. God does not tell us anything specifically to do, but He does tell us to love. Love is an action. Love is something we do. So when someone in front of me is faced with grief, I will choose to act in love.
Madison Fowler
Madison is the Widows Program Manager at Stand In The Gap. She has been with Stand In The Gap since August of 2024. She has seen God direct her purpose and turn her weaknesses into His calling for her life. She has lived in Oklahoma her entire life and is surrounded by her immediate and extended family. She is grateful to have served and worked in various ministries and that God has plans for the experiences she has witnessed and been through in her own life, knowing that he will use it to serve others.
